Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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