i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She's the barista slut.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
