The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
