yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Enjoy the penises
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
