Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
