I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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