The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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