WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
