I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
