k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
