i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
