The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
