I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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