i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
