I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
