Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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