we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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