Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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