Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
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I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
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I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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