you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize