Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
