when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
