Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
