I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When are your genitals available?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
