my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
