The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
