I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You can't just leave with hair like that
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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