his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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