I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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