Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
