He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
