how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i think i just lost a toe
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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