so explain again why im purple
no
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
