Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Mom said you looked used
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
