it was like his penis was on wheels.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
