how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
one two three fourrrrnication!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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