An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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