Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
