Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
