I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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