I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
