I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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