When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
