Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
