whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm both gender and math confused
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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