okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
