You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
