I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
