I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
