So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
