drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
