I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
