dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
