One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
