We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
