Pappa wants mamma naked
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
