your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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