there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
