Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i would punch a child for taco bell
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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