a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
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