I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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