Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
