Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Screwed.edu
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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