I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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