The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize