no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
