How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
