I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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