On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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