I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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